Fearful

Most of my life I have never feared how the world had been, how it is, and how it was becoming.  It seems over the last 10 years it seems as if things are becoming worse.  Now, first let me say, this is not a gun problem.  It's not an issue of gun control and what the country should do about it.
This is an issue of loving the unlovable.  An issue of knowing the cause of these tormented humans and why they did what they did.  In the end we can imagine the reasons, but we will never know the full emotions of what happened.
What we can do is teach our children about the world.  We can't hide what is and what will be.  Children are brilliant, they are very inquisitive.  They can see into our souls, they can tell when we are telling the truth and when we are not.
What we can do is teach our children that not everyone is evil or bad.  We can teach our children that we love them.  That they are loved from the moment they wake to the moment they fall asleep.  We can teach our children to defend themselves.  We can teach our children that everyone has issues.  Some days we wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
There are children that are born with Autism or issues on the Autistic scale.  Some children are born with compulsive disorders, some with behavioral disorders.  We need to educate our children.  I am not saying that these disorders or problems makes what happened in Connecticut, or Arizona, or Virginia Tech okay.  By no means is that what I am saying.
We live in a world where things are and will always change.  We need to prepare our selves and our children for what the future may hold...

The Point

So, what's the point?
Day in and day out, I wonder what is the point.  I wonder why I am on this earth.  I wonder what tomorrow is going to bring.  I wonder if what I do for others really matters?  I wonder if I didn't go to work for a few days, other than missing the money, would it be a loss for my peers or manager.
Every day I yearn for something more.  I want to be needed.  I want to feel important.
I mean who doesn't?
We all wanted to be needed.  To be important to someone. So, why don't we share that more? Why don't we tell the people we care about that they are important to us?  Why don't we tell them that they are needed?
Isn't this the point!?  Shouldn't we be lifting up those who mean the most to us?  Absolutely.  I mean if people who win an Emmy award, or an Oscar can lift the important people up; or win an award for directing a show can do it in 40 seconds, why can't we take the time to send an email, an IM, a text for crying out loud!
So, challenge: tell someone how important they are to you!  Tell someone that they are needed.
It only takes 40 seconds...

A new path...

Over the last several weeks I have been praying for God to show me what it is He wants for my life.  Praying    for His guidance, His wisdom, His will.  Well, I believe He has shown me that I am to go back into the ministry.  Specifically, children's ministry.
So, now I am listening and praying for His guidance as to what ministry I can serve.  If you have the time and heart, I would appreciate a shout out to the Lord for me as I walk this path.
Pray that there is a ministry that is looking for a crazy, tattooed, jolly guy who loves being a kid and sharing Christ's awesome love for us.  And pray that God will show them a guy like me.

-Amen!

It's funny, I have never really thought of myself as a popular person. Growing up, I would say most people knew who I was. Maybe didn't "know" me directly. I wouldn't ever consider myself the popular kid. I was more of a relationship kind of guy. Well, with my close friends. I had a group of friends that were my group. That I could go to for anything at anytime. Then I went to college. Ironically for the most part that same group, we all went to the same college. But after a bit, that capability of going to them for anything at anytime started to dwindle away. Then graduation...then life... Snap to present day, I honestly don't feel like I have that one person that I can go to anytime for anything any more. Isn't that sad?!
I am on all the "social network" sites.  I have a gazillion friends, but I have maybe one that actually takes the time to make sure I am okay.  And the funny thing is, their are not one of those friends that I went to school with.
Now, I know we all grow up and do our own thing.  But what in the hell did God put us on this earth for to create such a friendship with people only to let that friendship disappear?  To let it go by the wayside?  Oh, sure, there are a million and one excuses we could use, "I'm just busy." "In the past we were just kids." "I live a different life now." "We are not on the same page anymore."  I could go on and on.
But is this what friendship is supposed to be about?  Is about excuses?
To all of my "friends": Let's not pretend anymore.  I'll be the first one to admit that I am a horrible friend. And I know there are some things I need to work on.  And trust me I will.
If you are one of my "friends" on facebook and I don't know you, I'm sorry, but be prepared to be deleted.  If you are my friend, and I do know you, but it's superficial and we haven't talked since you became my "friend" be prepared to be deleted.
I'm here to tell you, I need serious friends in my life.  I need people around me that love me and support me day in and day out.  If that's not you, I understand.  It's nice to have "contacts" out in the world.  But, I'm not looking for contacts anymore.  I am not trying to break some record for the amount of friends that I have.
I have a "Page" that people can like if you want to be a contact.  If you just want to follow me see what I am up to, well, I appreciate that, that is what this blog is for.
I know this all probably sounds a bit harsh.  But I am tired of reading all the junk.  I am tired of not having a go to.  I would say this isn't personal, but it's all personal to me.
I hope everyone understands.  And if you don't, I'm sorry, maybe one day we can still be friends.

Hug that kid...

I have to say the one thing that keeps me motivating and moving is watching my children smile. Even my 14 year old. He gets this little smirk on his face. Its classic. And then there's Grace. She has this smile that will make you sad and happy and your emotions go crazy. And finally Molly. Her smile lets everyone know she is up to mo good. Honestly,I thank God for their smiles everyday. I thank God for their mother,my wife for giving me our awesome children.

The desert is dry...

Today is day 4...so checking in...The first two days were not fun giving up caffeine. Bad headaches. But it's been worth it! God has been opening my eyes to some pretty awesome things through some different means...

We watched The Help today. I know that things in the 60's were harry racially. But the realness of it was truly saddening. The courage that the maids had to show to tell their stories was enlightening.

Everyday we are put into situations that demand courage to deal with them. They become so hard, sometimes life threatening.

Four days ago, I made a decision to get the courage to change myself, and renew my relationship with God. It takes a lot of courage in my perspective, to go on a 40 day walk, to renew a relationship, to give up something that I rely on everyday to make it through.

And it feels good. It does feel freeing...

Courage...it's quenching my thirst while in the desert.

Thank you God!

I have always been fascinated by some of the mystical and traditional things that some religious faiths practice. Lent being one of them. The tradition of observing Jesus' 40 days in the Wilderness/ Desert is very appropriate if you ask me. I guess I never really took the time to understand it until now. But sacrificing something, giving up something that you rely on, or use on a regular basis for 40 days should be easy compared to Christ fasting with no food or water for 40 days...right? To face 40 days of temptation to eat food, or rely on that thing to get you by, or allowing Satan to tempt you and bring you down ...

Now, I am not Catholic, and I have never practiced Lent in any form what so ever, but this year, I have decided to "Take a long walk in the desert." Now, I am not fasting for 40 days; being that Jesus was supernatural I believe he might be the only person that ever walked this earth and lived. I am not going to not eat meat on Fridays...however, I am going to give up something that I rely on everyday to get me through. Caffeine. That's right. No Amps. No Monster Drinks. No chocolate. No Soda, unless of course it's caffeine free.

Not only have I decided to make a sacrifice to give caffeine, I am going to be taking a 40 day walk where I am going to be working on my prayer life, my "walk" with Christ each and every day. To coincide with this, I am going to blog each day. Not necessarily so that everyone can read about my "plight" but so that I can share in my awareness.

Tomorrow is the first day of Lent. Today, I have gone the entire day with out drinking any soda, so that I could get over those awesome withdrawal headaches...however tomorrow, starting at midnight, I will fast the entire day. I am not telling you or anyone reading because I want your empathy or admiration, but because I think it is the best way for me to shock my body and more importantly my brain and heart, ie my soul.

What I mean by that, when I get hungry, instead of looking for a candy bar, I want to look towards God and ask him to feed me spiritually. Now, I have asked to be kept accountable. Unfortunately the people who I thought would step up to keep me on track, haven't. But those that have, I am very much appreciative. For those who will be following me, please feel free to check in. Maybe we can do this together? By all means, ask me how I am doing.

Some of you may say this is stupid, well, maybe it is, but if it fulfills the purpose, that's all that matters. God himself will be the judge of that.

So, my 40 days starts soon. I do ask that if you are reading, and plan on following, please pray for me. Pray that I will stay strong. More importantly, pray that I find my passion again for Christ. Pray that I will be fed spiritually, and that my walk won't keep me parched but my thirst will be quenched. That on the other side I will be renewed.

My first step...

The reality of it all is I want to laugh and live life everyday. I want to be mesmorized. I want to laugh and be entertained.
I like reading and watching movies about vampires and werewolves. Ghosts and myths about the Masons is what I'm into. I love studying about symbols. Where they came from and what they mean.
I believe in a higher power that lived over 2000 years ago that I am only able to read about. This guy performed several miracles.Pulled demons from those who were possessed. Died and rose from the dead.
As "Christians " we believe in Angels and Demons. Beings we cant see that we believe intercede on our behalf. These creatures that can walk among us without us ever knowing. Again if we can believe in what we do not see why not other mythical things?
After all its one person's story against someone else's.
Believe what you want. I know what my reality is...

Everyday we make choices. We make our choices based on what we were taught as children, the influences around us, and truths we believe in.

When do we re-evaluate those decisions? Why do we sometimes go against our best judgement and do the wrong thing?

Why can't we trust our gut?

We are presented with choices every moment of every day. What to say, what to wear, what to think, what to believe, what to watch, where to go, who to be, who to follow, where to work, what to care about.

There is a force that we all plug into, a belief system that we follow that brings us to where we are at this very moment.

Some call it the "Force", some call it Mother Earth, the Holy Spirit...but we are tied together, believe it or not.

Some believe in the positive nature of things, some not so much.

Every day we have the option to chose between good and bad, positive or negative. My challenge to myself and to anyone reading this is:

Take everyday and make it positive. You control this.

Yes the world may be harsh, may come at you with all kinds of hate, but show the world the love it needs to see. Make the right choice!

I dare you!

Some times you just have to quit being the person you used to be and be the person you know you were really created to be. Look inside, we all have the ability to create, as were created by the most creative artist Himself.

I can close my eyes and go through out my life the many, and I mean many people that I have tried to convince myself as to who I was supposed to be. My earliest memory of trying to figure out who I was, was in 2nd or 3rd grade. I lived in Norwood. The majority of my friends were black. It didn't matter what color my friends were, it just mattered that they were my friends. I just wanted to hang out, play baseball, video games, and just run.

Then I moved to Arkansas and had no friends. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I met a kid there who's dad was in the Air Force and was an officer. This was the first time I could remember that I envied this kid and his dad. I wanted my dad to where medals and be important.

Then we moved back to Ohio, but to Cherry Grove. Again I didn't know anyone, I could start fresh again. Then again, we moved to New Richmond. The only person I knew was my cousin and we weren't even in the same school. Then jr. high came, and three schools combined into one. No one knew me.

Then high school. I remember being the dater, the wigger, the scrapper, the baller, the skater, the jock, the artist, the writer, and the Christian.

Yea, but that's not who I really was. More so, that's not who I was supposed to be. I remember wearing the different clothes. The basketball jersey from the Charlotte Hornets and the Fila's with straps. Shaving the sides of my hair and growing the top out long. Wearing the tie dyed shirts with the rastafarian fanny pac with my hacky sack inside.

Geesh, who the heck was I?!

But as of late, I feel like I have been kidding myself. Like I have been trying to fool myself into being close or acting like the person God wants me to be, but once walking in my house taking that mask off and going back to being the faker.

My clothes, my hair, my talents, my words, my actions, all tell you who I really am. Right now, it's off and on, hot and cold.

It's time for that to change. Now, my hair is not going to change, simply because I can't stand my hair long. my clothes, well maybe, depending on what I can afford. I can tell you I miss my cordoroys and big dress shirts as far as work is concerned. Shirts, jeans, and work boots at home. My words are going to be heartfelt. As someone said, I am only responsible what I say, not what you understand. If I feel God is pushing me to put you in your place, guess what's coming? My actions, I am a fat jovial guy. I like to have fun, and be funny. If you don't like that, don't be my friend. My talents, I love to draw and paint. I like to pull my trumpet out and make noise. I like to take beautiful pictures.

This is me people. I think that God is pushing me to use these talents, my actions and words to be proud of who I am and "whom" I stand for. If you are cool with that, awesome. If not peace out!

This is who I am everyone. Enjoy!

Today I heard a story about Paula Dean, you know the chef. The story was about the fact that she had her cooking show, teaching everyone in the world how to cook awesome comfort foods. However, apparently she was diagnosed was Type 2 Diabetes a few years ago. Since then she has been trying to teach everyone how to make low fat comfort foods.

I guess as of late, she has been a spoke person for a Diabetes drug company. So everyone is all in an uproar because she has been teaching everyone how to make fattening food and that this is hurting people...

Okay, seriously people!? Are you kidding me with this junk? Who doesn't know that if you eat crap food, high in fat, full of sodium, sugars, high carbs that you won't get fat and become overweight? Not to mention, the possibility of contracting heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and the list can go on and on...

I mean, let's take me for example. I know that if I eat a cheeseburger, it's more calories, than a properly portioned salad. I make the decision. To say it's McDonald's fault that we are fat, is ridiculous. No one is making anyone go through the drive-thru. You can get out of your car, walk your happy little butts into Subway and eat the right thing!

So, let's get real. Quit getting mad at the wrong person, and start looking at your self in the mirror! Make smart decisions, or what ever decision you want, but live with the choices that you and you alone make. Don't blame Paula Dean or anyone else but yourself.

Geesh...

It's a new year...so what to do? Lot's on my mind, having a heavy heart while missing my grandparents. I know there's not much to this post, but if I could say anything to anyone at the beginning of this new year, it would be this:

Those that we love are only around for a for a short time. Before we know it, they are gone. What's left behind is not only heartache, but stress and chaos. The stress to figure out how to remember them in your heart, and chaos when those memories are kept from you.

So, love hard, and when you think that's enough, love more! Make the most of every moment. Those moments are few and far between. And once those loved ones are gone, so are those opportunities to have those moments.