Today was a pretty rough day...if you don't know me, I am that guy that has the friendly, everyone's friend, the jokester exterior, yet is the guy who is falling apart on the inside. Yea, that's me to a "T".

...Anger:

• a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance
• make angry; "The news angered him"
• the state of being angry
• become angry; "He angers easily"
• wrath: belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong (personified as one of the deadly sins)

Anger is an emotion. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline.^[1] Some view anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm.^[2] Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force.

I am sure you are asking why I am bringing up this word, this emotion, this state of being. Anger has been my state of being for quite some time. At least on the inside. If you were to call me over the phone or see me out and about you would never know. What , you didn't know I am an awesome actor?!
The problem with this state of anger is that I cannot for the life of me tell you where this anger derives from. I don't know why I speak of it now, maybe to put it out there for therapeutic purposes. This brings me back to the emotional mess thing I was talking about earlier.
Today at church (Crossroads in Oakley, in case you were wondering) Brian spoke about emotions.He brought up some awesome points about educating yourself on your own emotions. Like keeping them in check, not being outrageous with them. In other words "Bi-Polar". You know going from one extreme feeling to the total polar opposite feeling.
Emotions are an awesome thing that God himself has blessed us with. They allow us to show, and feel, and be. Emotions show how awesome someone is, but can also show the villain.
What I have come to realize is that the root of the problem of having or showing emotions is not how we express them, it is indeed in fact as to whether or not we decide to express them at all. In our society, men specifically, are taught not to show emotions and very little if we do. Why is that? Why do we feel that it's not okay to show emotions, or to show how upset we truly are about a situation?
We have men and women that return from a active war zone, and don't know how to express themselves. Our children are showing an over-exaggeration of emotion and are not being taught how to properly express themselves in a healthy way.

So, with all of that being said, and after ranting long enough, I have come to the realization especially after today, that I have been and probably will continue to be over-sensitive about some situations and it's effecting me at my very core. I want to be the jovial, fun loving guy that I am known for. Instead, I am like the clown from the movie Spawn; mean and vile at times, and not funny nor cute at all.
Like I stated before I am a very emotional guy; and as the service went on today, the music that was playing, rocked my proverbial core and I wanted to cry out in such a manner that would allow all the angst that I have built inside me over time to be totally released. But I felt that would draw a huge amount of attention, and that in itself angered me, and so instead, I cried.
I cried out of anger, I cried out of desperation. I wanted so badly to cry out to my to God for Him to comfort me.
...and He did. As Brian spoke and the music played my heart was comforted. The knot started to unravel. Not completely by any means, but it was loosened.
I am sure there may be some of you out there that are skeptical of my behaviors and my thoughts on how God played into it. And that's okay.
But if you are to walk away from my thoughts today and retain anything, retain this:
"Open your heart, let yourself be open to have your knot loosened."